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The Return of the Twinkie

Hello, old friend. It’s good to see you again.

Yes, Twinkies have returned. Even though the Obama administration refused to honor my demands for a Hostess bailout, Twinkies are back on the shelves. I recently picked up a box at a Walmart in Fairfax, VA. The Walmart itself was disgraceful, even more so than your average Walmart. Half of the shelves were empty, and an employee stared blankly when I asked about the availability of Hostess snacks. Nevertheless, I found the goods.

Rumors have been spreading that the new Twinkies are smaller than those produced prior to the bailout. I’m not sure if this is true. Regardless, I’m happy that they’re back. As far as I can tell, the taste of the new Twinkies is nearly identical to the originals’.

I spent last night attempting to express the importance of the Twinkie’s return to my girlfriend. During my frothy-mouthed monologue, I compared the Twinkie to Lonesome George, the very last of the Pinta Island tortoises. Now that Twinkies are back in production, it’s as if an entire tortoise community has been discovered living inside of a dumpster behind Taco Bell. Put simply, the Twinkie is no longer an endangered tortoise…erm, snack food.

And now, I must bid farewell. A box of Twinkies is calling my name.